So Weep the Little Children
by marv
Summary: Lucas finally admits what happened in his past


OK, Standard Disclaimer.I don't own SeaQuest or any of the characters involved in it.All my stories are amateur works.As always comments are welcome, criticism is OK too as long as it's constructive.Destructive criticism will be taken as an indication that you need something else to do with your free time :-)

This story takes place during the time the second SeaQuest is being built.

******

So Weep the Little Children

By Marv (marvid@interaccess.com)

Rated: PG-13 (for discussion of child abuse and swearing)

"So¼what are your big plans for the night?"

"Didn't really have any, Captain¼.You and the Doc going out?"

Lucas finished straightening up the furniture in the living room.He and Captain Bridger had just moved into a beach house just on the south end of Cape Quest and they still had a more than a little bit of remodeling to do.

Nathan finished running the vacuum over the throw rug in the dining room."Nope, she's coming over to watch a movie."

Lucas looked up from straightening the pillows on the sofa."Oh¼then I'll find something to do."

"You can stay and watch the movie with us, if you like, Lucas."

A doubtful look played across Lucas' face."What's showing tonight?"

Nathan grinned, "At 'Le Cinema Bridger', huh?"He put the vacuum in the closet."Tonight¼for your viewing enjoyment we have the classic movie¼.Captain Horatio Hornblower."

"You're kidding?" amazement laced Lucas' voice.The Captain had given him the books by C.S. Forester to read and he'd found them fascinating."I've never seen it."

"So stick around here tonight and watch it with us.You're more than welcome."

"No, that's okay¼you guys could use some time alone."Lucas sounded tense.He would have loved to stay and watch the movie but he hated getting in the Captain's way.

Nathan sat on the arm of the couch as Lucas finished up with the throw pillows."Lucas."He waited until the boy wasn't fluffing things up and was looking at him."Really, we'd like it if you decided to stay and watch the movie with us tonight¼.It's your house too," he said earnestly."And besides which¼this is a great movie.Gregory Peck as Hornblower and Virginia Mayo as Lady Barbara, lots of sailing ships and battles at sea¼true schlock but a great movie."

"I don't know, sir."Lucas figured that the last thing the Captain and the Doc needed was some sniffle-nosed kid hanging around when they could be having time together.

Bridger sat on the sofa and motioned for the boy to sit on an ottoman in front of him.He leaned forward to talk to him."Every time Kristin and I are together you take off like a rabbit with his fur caught in the fire¼honest, we like having you around.You're not going to get in the way or cramp our style or anything like that.If you don't have anything better to do tonight, we'd like it if you'd decide that you wanted to watch the movie with us."

Bridger had only been Lucas' guardian for a little over a month and Lucas was still having trouble getting used to it.Every other adult in his life had wanted him to keep out of their way.He couldn't ever remember being treated the way the Captain did.He decided to give it a try."Well, if you think the Doc won't mind."

Nathan patted the boy on the knee."We'll find out right now," as he headed for the vid-phone."Kristin is picking up Chinese.How's that sound to you?"

Lucas grinned, "Sounds great¼sounds like we don't have to do too many dishes."

"Exactly," he turned to the vid-phone as Kristin answered it.

"Good timing, Nathan.I was just on my way out the door."Nathan always thought that her British accent gave her voice a sultry quality.

"That's 'cause I live right," Nathan said with a grin."Hey, Lucas has nothing better to do tonight so he's thinking of staying and watching the movie with us."

Kristin looked genuinely pleased.The smile on her face surprised Lucas."Oh, that would be lovely.Is he going to be there for dinner too?¼Should I add him onto our order?"

"Yeah, if you would," he turned to Lucas."She's stopping at Chung's.What do you feel like?"

Lucas moved closer so Kristin could also see him on her screen."Do they have Kung Po Chicken?"

"They most certainly do¼and it'll knock your socks off."

Nathan cast an appraising glance over Lucas."Boy, I'm glad you sleep in a different room than me if you're going to hit the spicy stuff."

"Anything else, Lucas?" Kristin smiled.

Lucas started to say something and then stopped."No, um¼that'll do."

There was that wall again.Nathan was still trying to gradually break through the wall that Lucas had built around himself.It was like, if he thought that anyone cared for him, he had to do his best not to bother that person.Someday, Nathan would find out what happened to cause it but for now he was just chipping away.He looked over at Lucas with a surprised face, "What, no eggrolls?¼No fried rice?"

Lucas was hungry enough that he probably could have eaten one of each thing on the menu.He decided to take a chance."Well¼" and his face brightened."Maybe an eggroll¼and some pot stickers?"

"There we go¼I knew he could eat more than that," teased Nathan.He normally would have slapped the boy on the back or squeezed his shoulder but he'd discovered that whenever Lucas got tense it was best not to touch him.If you did, he seemed to withdraw.

Kristin smiled at the banter that was gradually becoming easier between the two."Alright, so it's Kung Po Chicken, an eggroll and an order of pot stickers¼.anything else?"

"Nah, that should do it, Doc."

Kristin looked at Nathan, "And you've got the popcorn, right?"

Nathan nodded his head in an exaggerated nod, "I've got the popcorn."

"Alright, then¼I'll see you two men in a little bit."

*****

Kristin had shown up with three bags of Chinese food.She'd picked up a little extra 'just in case someone was hungrier than they thought they were'.This was probably a good thing.Watching Lucas down a second helping of fried rice besides the food he had ordered, Nathan was amazed that the boy could stay so thin.He grinned over at Kristin."Hey, don't get that cardboard container too close to him.He's liable to eat that too."

"Gimme a break, Cap.I'm a growing boy."Lucas seemed to be less tense now that he had food in him.

"If I ate like you, I'd be growing too¼just not up¼I'd be growing out."

"One of the advantages of a kid-type metabolism, I guess," said Lucas as he grabbed the last eggroll.

Bridger stood and started gathering the various empty containers."We'll clean up¼why don't you get the screen down?"

Nathan and Kristin adjourned to the kitchen to clean up the few dishes they had used during dinner.Lucas could be heard puttering around with the new video screen that Nathan had installed in the house.

Kristin was drying the dishes and putting them away."So, how's it going with you two?"

Nathan looked up from the soapy water and handed her a glass."Pretty good actually.Neither one of us has had to share our space with anyone else for a while so that's taking some getting used to¼"Nathan stopped and ran his hands in the water looking for any more dirty dishes but only coming up with a fork.He glanced quickly towards the living room and then moved a little closer to Kristin so he could talk quieter."And I don't think I'm quite the type of family that he's used to."

Kristin talked quietly too, keeping an eye out for any sign that Lucas was heading for the kitchen."Well, I wouldn't think so¼it sounds like before the divorce he was living mostly with his mother since his father was always gone and then afterwards with his father¼or should I say his father's staff¼for the same reason."

"Yeah, and while he was at school he was farmed off to someone else¼did I tell you that I finally got ahold of his mother yesterday?"

Kristin was always ready to pick up on a little gossip."Oh no¼.what's she like?"

Nathan leaned in very close to her and spoke very quietly."I entirely understand why Lawrence divorced the woman¼.she's a real bitch."

They broke apart as Lucas came into the kitchen."Hey, I've got the screen ready and everything¼how long does it take to do the dishes?"

Nathan dried off his hands."We're done¼but I have to pop the popcorn first."He turned to one of the cabinets.

"That's easy¼should only take a couple of minutes in the microwave."

"Oh no¼tonight we're doing things the old fashioned way."Bridger brought out a bag of real popcorn kernels."We're going to pop it on the stove like my Dad showed me how."

Lucas inspected the bag."Does it taste any better?"

"Tell you what, kiddo.Let me pop this up and you can try it out."Bridger found a large pot to put on the stove.He put a small amount of cooking oil in the bottom of the pan and spread an even layer of popcorn on the bottom.Lucas watched everything he was doing intently.Nathan covered the pot and then turned a burner on the stove on and let the pan sit on it.

Lucas was watching the pot."What happens now?"

"Now we wait for it to pop¼and we also move the pot around some so the popcorn doesn't burn."Nathan suited his actions to his word and slid the pot around on the stove a little.

Kristin was standing behind Nathan."So does this old-fashion day you're having include melted butter for the popcorn?"

"I thought you might handle that."

"It won't upset your sensibilities if I melt it in the microwave, would it?"

"Not at all¼I also remember how burnt butter smells and I'd rather not have that in my house."Nathan shook the pot a little again.

Lucas was still watching the pot intently almost like he could see inside of it."How long does this usually take?"

"Oh, ten, fifteen minutes total," said Nathan leaning back against the counter.Kristin got a stick of butter out and put it in a glass bowl.Then she put it in the microwave to melt.

Nathan moved back towards the pot to move it around a little again when Lucas moved towards the stove also."Can I do it?" he asked.

"Sure¼.just slide the pot around some on the burner to move the popcorn kernels around."

As Lucas was sliding the pot around there was a loud pop from inside the pot."Now you really have to move it around," said Nathan."Do you want to do it or you want me to do it?"

Lucas was sliding the pot around a lot now accompanied by more and more pops from inside the pot."I can do it."

Nathan crossed his arms and leaned back against the counter again while the teen made his first real pot of popcorn.The pops were coming hot and heavy now and Lucas noticed that the lid on the pot was beginning to rise up.

"Hey, what do I do when it starts to overflow?"

Nathan shook his head."Just keep on shaking the pot, Lucas.If you can keep the lid somewhat on¼that'll keep the popcorn from sliding out."

Lucas put his thumbs on the lid to keep it down."How long do I have to keep doing this?"

"Until the popping stops."Just then the time between pops started to really increase."I think you can take it off now."

Lucas lifted the pot off the burner."Great¼what do I do with it now?"

Nathan indicated a large bowl on the other counter."Just dump it in the big bowl."

Lucas took the top off and dumped out a large mound of white fluffy popcorn."It looks a little different than the stuff you get out of the microwave."

Nathan turned off the burner and took the pot from the boy."That's because it doesn't have any flavor on it yet¼give it a try."

Lucas gingerly took a very warm piece of popcorn and tried it.It tasted pretty good but bland.Nathan brought the salt shaker over to the bowl and sprinkled salt over the top of the popcorn.Then Kristin brought the glass bowl with the melted butter in it and drizzled the butter over the top of the popcorn.Nathan used a spoon to mix the popcorn in the large bowl and to spread around the butter and salt.They each gathered their own small bowls and their drinks and headed into the living room.

Lucas had set up the large vid-screen.There was one nice thing about living in the house with the Captain.Since everything he had was on the island, he had to get everything new.The new vid-screen was terrific.It was a completely flat screen that was only about 3/4 of an inch thick.When not being used it could be raised against the ceiling so it didn't take up much space.When it was down you could either hang it in front of the fire or over to the side so that you could enjoy the screen and the fire.Then there were the speakers.Bridger had a reality sound system installed in the house.When you sat in the living room the speaker set up was terrific.You felt like you were right in the middle of the action or the music.Lucas had cranked it up especially high a few times when the Captain wasn't around.

Nathan and Kristin settled down on the sofa while Lucas got the recliner.The popcorn was set on the coffee table and they all scooped out their helpings.The Captain was sitting on the side of the sofa closest to Lucas while the Doc kicked off her shoes, curled her feet up and leaned back against the Captain who put his arms around her waist.

"All ready?" Nathan asked Lucas.

"Anytime you are," Lucas said munching happily on the popcorn.As goofy as it sounded¼this popcorn really did taste better than the microwave stuff.

Lucas' chair was a little further back than the couch and during the course of the movie he surreptitiously watch the couple sitting there. Lucas noticed that the Captain turned a little in his seat and brought one leg up onto the couch so that the Doc could actually lean back against his body and his shoulder.He occasionally rubbed the side of his face against her hair and Lucas noticed how sometimes they interlaced their fingers or ran their hands along the other's arms.Lucas couldn't ever remember his parents doing anything like that.Hell, he couldn't even remember them sitting close together like that.It kind of surprised Lucas but he found it a little relaxing just watching how comfortable they were with each other.

When the movie ended Bridger leaned his head back against the top of the couch and looked Lucas' way."So¼what did you think?"

Lucas nodded his head."Got a little mushy there at the end but all together¼"He smiled, "You're right¼a great movie."

Kristin unentangled herself from Nathan and picked up her glass."You guys need refills?"When they both nodded, she gathered up all three glasses and headed for the kitchen.

Lucas started looking uncomfortable again."I guess I should be thinking about getting to bed."

Nathan frowned at him and checked his watch."I don't think I've ever seen you go to bed before 11.It's only 10:15 now."

"Yeah¼well¼I imagine that you two would like to be alone."

Kristin heard that as she returned from the kitchen with the now full glasses.She handed Lucas his."No not really, to tell you the truth." She turned and gave Nathan his glass.

Nathan sat up on the couch and looked towards Lucas."Lucas, I don't understand.Why do you always seem to think that you've got to leave just because Kristin shows up?"

Lucas shrugged and stumbled with his words some."Well¼I don't know¼.it's just that I'm in the way."

Nathan shook his head."You're not in the way, Lucas."

Lucas' face became serious and he sat looking at Bridger for a little while."I'm always in the way¼"He closed his eyes and took a deep breath."How can I explain this?¼"Lucas opened his eyes and leaned forward in the chair, resting his arms on his legs."You see¼when I was living with my Mom I was always in her way.Always keeping her from going to places she wanted to go to or vacations she wanted to go on because she had to look after me¼and believe me¼she let me know about it."Lucas looked down at the floor between them."Then¼ when I was with my Dad¼well he never told me I was in the way like my Mom did but it was pretty obvious that I was.Keeping an eye on me got in the way of him getting his work done."Lucas grimaced."And then there was school."He looked back up at Bridger.The boy had never talked this much about his life before seaQuest before."When I was at school I was always the smart little runt who grabbed all the good grades¼they thought that I didn't have to even work hard to get them¼but I did¼I just never let them see how hard I had to work."The boy was blinking quite a bit like he was trying to keep from crying."Even then I was always in the way¼anyone I hung around with was limited to where they could go because of how young I was¼I was too young to have a girlfriend so I was always the one left out and I was young enough that they didn't want to leave me on my own."He shrugged again."I don't know¼I guess I've just always been in the way."His voice got soft."And now I feel like I'm in the way with you two¼I just figure you'd probably like to be alone so you could do¼well¼whatever you do when you're alone."

Kristin had tucked her legs up again and was sitting with her side touching Nathan.Her arm lay across his leg.She looked over at Lucas and just shook her head."Lucas, I don't know what anyone else told you but you most certainly are not in the way with us."Lucas returned a doubtful glance and looked at the floor again."We manage to find time where we can enjoy being alone¼but at the same time we both enjoy being with you."Lucas raised his head and looked at her."Is it so hard to believe that we both like having you around?We enjoy talking to and being with you and want you to feel welcome around us."Bridger was looking over at Kristin and smiling.He glanced at Lucas and grinned.

"Yeah¼what she said."

Kristin threw him a glare and smacked him on the leg."Men!"

A look of consternation crossed Lucas' face, "But I have been in the way with you two¼well, me and my present to the Captain have been in the way."

Kristin rubbed her hand against Nathan's knee."Yes¼well actually, we've talked about that¼.We think that you probably did us a favor."

Lucas leaned back in the chair and folded his arms."I did you a favor?"

Kristin nodded."Yes¼we were on the verge of making a move that we don't think either one of us was ready for just then."

Lucas looked confused and Nathan took up the conversation."We were about to go from second base to home without touching third.I don't know if you've noticed...but...um ¼we can be a little old fashioned at times."

Kristin leaned forward and commented sotto voice, "One of us is a lot more old fashioned than the other."Lucas nodded with a grin on his face.

Nathan ignored the comment."Yeah, well, what was going to happen that night¼and I guarantee you that it was going to happen¼is something that shouldn't be taken lightly.Our brains had gone on siesta and our bodies had taken over the discussion."He shrugged."When you give yourself to someone like that it should be a decision¼not a reaction.We needed to learn a bit more about each other first."He shrugged again, "We're still learning."

Kristin looked at Bridger's profile."And we still haven't quite made the decision."

Lucas looked surprised."You mean you two haven't¼" His hands kind of waved in the air."Well¼I mean¼"

Nathan shook his head."No¼we haven't made love."

Now Lucas looked confused again."But you two do love each other, right?"

"Absolutely," was Bridger's reply.

Kristin put her hand over Nathan's, "More than I ever thought I could again."

"But then why?¼"

Kristin and Nathan glanced at each other.Kristin looked at Lucas and answered, "Because when we do finally decide to¼advance this relationship, it'll be because we're both comfortable with the decision to do so.And your¼getting in the way¼allowed us the time to take it easy and get to know each other first."

Bridger looked at the boy and his face took on a much more serious look."Lucas, I've been doing my best to try to tap-dance around any problems you might have with someone you share your day-to-day life with."Lucas looked surprised."I think I've got some of your moods figured out and I know how to handle them¼.but you're a teenager so there are always some more moods where those came from."Kristin tsked at him.Nathan just smiled and continued."I know you don't like being touched when you get in one of your tense moods.I know you don't like sudden movements¼especially near you¼and I know you don't like unexpected loud noises."Nathan shrugged."I'm trying to be careful about that¼.if I mess up¼let me know."

Lucas became more and more amazed as he listened to Bridger.No one had really worried about his feelings before.He rubbed his face with his hands and then with his eyes closed tightly started to talk."Do you know what I like about being here?"He opened his eyes and looked up at Bridger who shook his head slightly."This¼this is a family.This is how it's supposed to be¼isn't it?"The boy really was on the verge of crying now."It's just that I've never been in a situation like this before.I can't ever remember being around two people who love each other like you two do."He frowned at the floor."And no one¼no one ever who liked me just the way I am."His voice got soft."No expectations, no showing me off, no trying to make me take someone else's place."He grimaced at that last one.

Nathan watched the boy as he talked.It was obvious that there was something more behind what he was saying."Well, Lucas, I know your father¼in my personal opinion¼he's got his priorities a bit screwed up¼but at least he cares."Lucas made a face."And I finally got to speak to your mother yesterday."At the mention of his mother, Lucas sat back in his chair and got a wary look on his face.

"You're kidding."

Nathan shook his head ruefully, "Nope¼only took me four weeks to get ahold of her¼. I understand that I may hold a new record for quickness of contacting her."

At least that made Lucas smile."What did you talk about?"

"I thought she should know where you are and what was going on with you."Nathan's face took on a far-away look as he replayed the conversation in his head.It had been short and¼well, not exactly sweet.

Lucas looked Nathan right in the eyes."Did she care?"

Nathan shook his head silently and then looked directly at the boy, "No¼not at all."

Now Lucas leaned back against the chair and looked at the ceiling."Yeah, well¼that's my Mom¼always watching out for me," he said sarcastically.Lucas stopped for a little while and then sat forward in the chair again.His eyes had developed something of a haunted look."Do you know the first thing I can remember?¼You know¼when I was little."

Nathan shook his head and remained silent.

"The first thing I can remember is my parents having a fight¼"He stared at the center of the coffee table."Mom was yelling at Dad¼I don't know what about¼but then my Mom picked up a vase and chucked it at Dad¼"He looked up at them again."She actually managed to hit him.The vase caught him right in the center of the chest and broke all over the place."He got quiet for a little while and his eyes returned to the coffee table."I was hiding behind the couch¼"A pained look crossed his face."Then my Dad decided to leave¼with Mom yelling at his back the whole way."He shrugged and shook his head."Then she came looking for me¼"He closed his eyes, surrendering to the memory and his voice was soft."I tried to stay really quiet¼but she found me."He opened his eyes again."And then I was the little sneak who hid behind the couch to spy on my parents."He looked up at Bridger and folded his arms almost like he was hugging himself.His hands moved nervously and Nathan was surprised at the depth of the pain in his eyes."That was the first time she bounced me across the room¼.at least the first time I can remember it."

Kristin felt Nathan's hand tighten around hers but his face remained impassive.She'd always suspected something like this¼she'd seen Lucas' medical record and had to examine the boy.There weren't many other explanations that would cover his history.

Lucas was still talking, his gaze fixed somewhere between the coffee table and infinity."I don't know¼it just became a regular thing.Anytime she was upset," he shrugged again, "or when she wasn't, she'd find me and smack me around."He closed his eyes again."But it got worse if she'd been drinking."He took a deep breath and released it."If she was drinking, I'd really try to hide¼ because¼then she really got rough."He squeezed his eyes shut to hold back the tears and then looked back up at Bridger again."Did you know she even threw me down a set of stairs?"The tears refused to be held back this time."I think she was trying to kill me."

Tears flowed down Lucas' face and he buried his face in his hands.He flinched a little as he felt the soft touch of a hand on the side of his face and then the strong feel of the arms that pulled him into an embrace.Nathan sat on the ottoman in front of Lucas' chair and held the boy close as he cried.Lucas buried his face in Nathan's shoulder and sobbed tears that had been pent up for a long time.Nathan stroked the boy's hair and back but didn't say anything.What did you say?That it would be alright?Nathan knew that it could never be truly alright for Lucas.

Eventually, Lucas' sobbing became less intense and the boy pulled his head away from Nathan's shoulder.Keeping his head down he softly said, "I'm sorry."

Nathan leaned his head down near Lucas'.He used his hand to wipe the tears off the boy's face."Don't be sorry," he said gently."You don't have anything to be sorry for."

Lucas pulled back and rubbed both of his hands along his face."I shouldn't be bothering you¼it's not your problem."

Bridger was silent again and eventually Lucas dropped his hands from his face and looked up into Bridger's eyes.The concern he saw there surprised him."What do I have to do to convince you that it is my problem?Anything having to do with you is my problem¼.I'm responsible for you and it's a responsibility I took on gladly and of my own choice.I worry about you and I care for you."Nathan slowly brought his hand up until it rested on the boy's shoulder."You're safe here¼I'd never let anything happen to you."

Lucas nodded, "I know," he said softly.

Nathan was talking so quietly to the boy that Kristin, who was sitting on the couch, had trouble hearing him. "I think you know that I suspected this."Lucas nodded again."And I've told you before¼and I'll tell you now that I won't let that happen to you again."

Lucas brought his hand up to hold onto Bridger's arm and leaned his head against the hand Bridger had put on his shoulder.Nathan kept talking to him."You know why she hit you, don't you?"

Lucas' voice was soft and full of pain, "Because she hates me."

"Because you were an easy target."Lucas brought his head up to look at Nathan."It's like in a war¼it's not the generals and admirals who get shot but the poor ground pounding soldier who does¼they're the easy target."Lucas nodded silently."And your father wasn't there so your mother struck out at the easiest target she could find¼.and that was you."Nathan looked at the floor between them for a moment before continuing."And I'm going to make a guess that she discovered that you were her little psychological plaything too¼ that she could play with your mind anytime she like¼ telling you how worthless she thought you were and what a screw-up you were."Lucas was still looking at him, blinking his eyes to keep the tears inside.He nodded again.Nathan squeezed the boy's shoulder and smiled a little smile at him."For what it's worth¼you've proved her wrong."

A questioning look crossed Lucas' face and Nathan continued."Because there's no way that someone who is worthless is the Chief Computer Officer on the largest submarine in the world and I wouldn't keep anyone who was a screw-up on my crew."Lucas smiled a little and Nathan took his hand from the boy's shoulder and cupped the side of his face.Lucas looked up into Bridger's face."And she's wrong because you do have people who love you and care what happens to you."

Lucas leaned forward and rested his head against Bridger's shoulder again.When Kristin started to speak he left his head there but turned to look at her."And you're right, Lucas¼this is a family¼for that matter it's two of them.You've got your seaQuest family and then there's a smaller family that it seems that you and I and Nathan are putting together here."She smiled a small smile, "It's a bit unconventional at the moment, but I think you're right.We've become a family."

Nathan's voice was soft in his ear."And your father does care, Lucas.He's not very good at being there when he needs to be¼but he does care."

Lucas sat back.He gave a little snort and shook his head slowly."Then why didn't he stop it?"He raised his eyes to Bridger's again.

"Did you tell him?"Lucas nodded."I imagine he didn't believe you."Lucas nodded again."I would think that it's really difficult to believe that someone you love is capable of being the monster your mother became."Lucas was surprised at the harshness of the Captain's words."Knowing your father, he probably did love your Mom at one time."Bridger shook his head."By admitting what was happening your father would not only admit that the woman he loved was capable of doing something so barbarous but also that he was responsible too because he put you in the situation where the abuse happened.I suppose it was easier to decide that your Mom was just a severe disciplinarian." 

"Doesn't make it right."

"No, doesn't make it right at all.Was he the one who arranged for you to go to a foster home in Stanford while you were at school?"

Lucas nodded."Yeah, my Mom wanted me to go to a university close to home.You know, one of those Ivy League ones."

"I imagine that then is when he really started suspecting that you were telling the truth.He got you as far away from her as was possible.And then somewhere along the line he came to the point that he really believed you."Nathan looked at the boy's bowed head."Let me guess¼.summer break?"

Lucas lifted his head with a sly smile."Spring break¼My Mom had insisted that I come home.I'd managed to stay away for Christmas break.And my Dad was off on some project somewhere or another."Lucas paused and his gaze was unfocused.He leaned forward and rested his forearms on his legs and rocked.His hands were clasped and his knuckles were white."She didn't even wait an hour after I got home.I had my suitcase on the bed and was putting things away when she showed up in the doorway to my room.She started in on how I had managed to make the place a mess in such a short time and didn't I ever learn."He took a shaky breath."And then she started yelling at me and backing me into the corner¼.didn't I know that my father only sent me away to school because he couldn't stand having me around? and didn't I realize what a worthless slug I was and my Dad was just wasting money sending me to college?¼.And then she started hitting me¼.first just the shoving and the slapping, like always¼."He stopped rocking for a moment."I never could hit her back," he said in an amazed voice and then started rocking again."Then she started punching me and I tried to cover up."Lucas put his hands up behind his head and pulled his head down like he was curled into a ball."But it didn't matter.She just hit whatever she could see and then she started kicking me."Lucas stopped rocking and dropped his hands from behind his head.He looked up at Bridger."And then there was a roar and suddenly she was off of me."His gaze dropped to somewhere around Nathan's chest."My Dad had decided to surprise me and actually come home for my break.He got a bit of a surprise when he got home.He'd actually picked my Mom up and thrown her across the room."Lucas stopped again and then continued wearily."He had a friend who was a doctor and he fixed me up¼.we spent the night in a hotel and then the next day Dad put me back on a plane for school."Lucas shrugged."Dad called me about a month later to tell me that he'd filed for divorce and he was going to get custody of me.I guess my Mom made some noises about getting me but Dad bought her off."Lucas looked up with a cynical look on his face."Wouldn't want anything besmirching the reputation of Wolenczak Industries, would we?"Nathan also had his forearms on his knees and his hands clasped as he sat forward listening to the boy and Lucas now dropped his gaze to Nathan's hands.He noted that the Captain was clenching them so hard that his knuckles were white and his hands shook a little.Lucas warily put his hands on top of Nathan's.He relaxed when the Captain just let them sit there."When I came home the next time it was like my Mom had never been there.Everything of hers was gone."He looked over at Kristin with a little self-depreciating grin."Of course, my Dad wasn't there either.I think I saw him twice during the two week break."His face turned serious again and Nathan gently brought one of his hands up to cover Lucas'."But at least my Mom wasn't there."

Lucas seemed to shake himself out of his reverie.When he continued his voice was more up-beat."So I spent my time at school and then my Dad was faced with what he did with me when I got out."Lucas glanced between the two adults."I mean, when someone normally graduates college, especially a master's program, they just go out to work on their own¼.but what do you do with a 15 year old?"Lucas shrugged."So my Dad pulled some major strings to get me aboard seaQuest¼.Do you realize how much of the refit on that boat was paid for by Wolenczak Industries?"

Nathan chuckled, "A pretty good chunk, I would imagine."Nathan rubbed the two hands he held between his own."But I'm awfully glad he did it."

Lucas smiled shyly, "Me too."

Kristin leaned over and put her hand on Lucas' shoulder."Me three."

Lucas gradually brought his eyes back up to Bridger's."Do you think she really hates me?"

Bridger shrugged."It probably sounds like a trite answer¼but I think she really hates herself¼"Kristin dropped her hand from Lucas' shoulder while Nathan continued to talk to the boy."I mean¼how could you ever feel good about yourself when day-to-day you're abusing a child?"He paused again."I could see how she might try to blame you for the abuse."Lucas dropped his eyes and nodded again."But there's no way that it could be your fault.You're a kid¼it's the adults who are supposed to know better¼.She can't excuse it away, Lucas. There *is* no excuse for abusing a child¼either physically or mentally¼.There's nothing that a three year old can do that could warrant bouncing him across a room¼that's just a lack of control by the adult¼and no matter what your mother may have told you¼child abuse is not the fault of the child¼never, ever is it the fault of the child."

When Lucas spoke it was so quietly, it was almost like he was talking to himself."Yeah, but she was right¼I can be really stupid sometimes."

Bridger's hands stopped rubbing his and Lucas hazarded a glance up at him.He was surprised to see anger in his eyes.Bridger tried to say something and then had to stop.On the second try he was able to get the words out in a tight, tense voice and Lucas realized the anger was directed at his mother."In my opinion, the worse thing you can ever call a child is stupid¼.Lucas, you're obviously not stupid."

"But I do stupid things."

"Join the crowd¼we all do stupid things¼especially between the ages of 8 and 21¼.your mother wanted you to act like your intellect and not your age."Bridger leaned down so that he was closer to the boy's bent head."Lucas, you may be smart¼but you're still 16¼just because your intelligence is older than your body doesn't mean that you have the experience that only comes with years.I'll be honest, during the next several months you just might get upset with me when I pull you back a little bit when you try to get ahead of your experience."Lucas raised his head."Due to the situation you're in, you're dealing with people who are older than you at a time when most of your peers are dealing with those who are the same age as they are.Inevitably, there's going to come a time when you think you should be able to do something your friends here want to do but that you're not ready for yet."

"Like what?"

Bridger shrugged again."Like going to a bar.All your friends here can do that but you can't."Lucas nodded."I'm going to be the reverse of your mother sometimes and ask that you act your age¼not your IQ."Lucas smiled."I think that in a lot of ways you're a lot more mature than most 16 year olds¼but at the same time, you've missed out on a lot when you were growing up and sometimes that shows."

Lucas got a soft smile on his face."Tell you what, sir¼how about if I don't try to act too old as long as you don't try to act like I'm too young?"

Nathan brought one of his hands up to grasp Lucas' shoulder."You've got a deal, kiddo."

Lucas closed his eyes and sighed wearily."Boy, it's amazing how tired you can get from just talking."He opened his eyes and looked at them."Do you two mind if I head off to bed now?"

"Not at all."He looked at the boy, concerned."You okay?"

Lucas nodded, "Yeah, for that matter I feel better than I have in a while."He sounded surprised.

Lucas stood, said his good nights and headed back to his bedroom.Nathan stayed sitting on the ottoman with his elbows on his knees and his chin resting on his folded hands.He stared at the spot just vacated by Lucas.After a little while, Kristin rubbed her hand across his shoulder."Are you okay?" she asked softly.Nathan closed his eyes and shook his head.Kristin could see the muscles in his jaw working and his shoulders had been tremendously tense."Want to talk about it?"

Nathan took a deep breath and let it out.With his eyes still closed he said, "Need to talk about it."

"Here?"

Nathan lifted his head off his hands and glanced towards the back of the house.He shook his head again, "No¼.out on the dock."

They both stood.Nathan looked again towards Lucas' room."I'm just going to let him know where we'll be," and he headed towards the back.

Kristin took the time to refill their glasses and was waiting for Nathan when he returned."Is he alright?"

Nathan nodded, "Yeah, just about asleep already."

They headed out to the end of the dock.Nathan reflected once again that they really needed to improve this dock.It would work great if they expanded it¼maybe made it into an 'L' to give them a little working space.Nathan sat down first on the end of the dock, facing out towards the water and crossing his legs.

As Kristin sat down facing him she said to him gently, "I want you to know that I think you handled that really well in there."

Nathan kept looking out towards the water.He brought one hand up to rub across his forehead.Kristin noticed that his hand was shaking and he had closed his eyes.His voice was tight and barely controlled."If I had Cynthia Wolenczak anywhere near me now¼I think I'd probably kill her."He opened his eyes and turned his head towards Kristin."And I don't mean that euphemistically, I would literally kill her."

Kristin put her hand on his leg."I know."She shook her head sadly."It's not anything you can explain."

Nathan erupted angrily, "How???¼"He stopped and gained a little control."How, in God's name, can a parent do that to their child?"Kristin had never seen him radiate the tension that she saw now.He was staring at the water, absently tapped one clenched fist against the top of his leg.His jaw was clenched and he was breathing deeply and fast, occasionally expelling long breaths through his teeth.Like Lucas had been, he was also blinking quite a bit to help control his emotions.Kristin saw his shoulders relax a little as his breathing slowed down.He shook his head slowly."Do you know what amazes me?"He looked over at Kristin with sad eyes.She shook her head."That after all he's been through¼.he's still a good kid¼.He's smarter than most people I know, he's gentle, he'd give anything to help someone and he'll work a problem until he finds an answer¼throw his whole soul into it¼and she tries to convince him that he's worthless."

There really wasn't much that Kristin could say so she settled for bringing her hand up to rub his shoulder and a gentle, "I know."After a short time she said, "I rather suspected that this might be the case."

Nathan glanced over at her."Why?"

"I've seen his medical records.They aren't quite the record you would expect from a normal child... and Lucas isn't clumsy enough to justify what I've seen in them."

"I think I need to have a look at those records."

"Well, you'd need a darned good reason¼privacy act and all that stuff, you know."

Nathan wasn't deterred."I'm his guardian."

"Ah¼that'll do."They were both silent for a while longer.

Nathan was much calmer when he continued."Hell, Kristin, every parent knows the feeling¼that one time where your kid just says the wrong thing or pushes just the right button and you'd like to haul off and smack them one¼but most of us don't¼or if we do it's a one time thing and we feel so bad afterwards that it never happens again." He reflected a moment."It happened with Robert and Carol¼I was due home from a six month cruise¼things always got tense around the house just before I got back, I guess¼I don't know¼expectation and a few too many 'just wait until your father gets home's.Robert was 13 or 14¼you know, that age where kids can just be obnoxious sometimes."Kristin smiled and nodded."I guess he said something that just pushed Carol too far and she slapped him.Once¼and not very hard according to Robert."Nathan shook his head at the memory."I was met at the dock by a crying Carol who I had to hold and talk to for four hours as she replayed the confrontation over and over again.When I finally got her calmed down, I went and talked to Robert."Nathan chuckled."He said that he'd been such a jerk that he wouldn't have been surprised if she'd knocked him into the next county."His face got serious again."Carol was just beating herself up about it and to Robert it was a speed bump that they'd gone over.It was past and not a big deal¼It never happened again but to the day she died, I don't believe Carol ever forgave herself for that one slap."

Kristin slid in a little closer to Nathan so that she could take his hand in hers."Mmmm¼ seems to me Cynthia and I had essentially that same thing happen at one time¼and you're right.To Cynthia it was nothing but to me¼it devastated me¼and it never happened again."

"So how could a person spend their lives beating up, both mentally and physically, on a kid?I don't understand."

Kristin took a deep breath and calmly said, "Don't tell me that you never felt like hitting Robert."

Nathan looked over at her."Of course, I did."

"But you didn't."

"No," he said shaking his head.

"Why?"

"Because I was bigger than him and I knew I could hurt him," Nathan said reasonably.

Kristin patted his shoulder, "That's the difference¼.You never hit Robert because you might hurt him¼Cynthia Wolenczak hit Lucas because she knew she would hurt him."Kristin shook her head, "Her little demented control over him, I guess¼.you can't explain it, Nathan¼there's no good reason for it¼.but unfortunately it happens."She ran the back of her fingers down the side of his face."The question is what do you do now?"

Nathan half-turned towards her¼not looking at the water anymore but not looking at her."Now¼we try to see if we can show him what a 'normal life' is¼" He looked at her and grinned a little, "or at least as normal as it can get for a 16 year old genius who's working on designing the computer infrastructure for the world's largest submarine."Nathan was silent for a little while."I guess we work on stability first."

"Well, you've certainly helped that with the guardianship.At least he knows where he belongs and that he's got someone there for him."

Nathan looked up at Kristin and she could see his eyes glisten in the waning moonlight."There's no way that he knows or that he'll admit to himself how much he means to me."He stopped and swallowed hard."Through the last year on seaQuest and especially in the last month he has become so important¼he just can't imagine."

"I know¼"Kristin dropped her hand to Nathan's leg as he took a long drink from his glass."You know¼he may regret telling us about this in the morning," Kristin said tentatively.

"I know¼we'll just have to deal with that when it gets here."

They were both silent for a while, Nathan staring out at the water and Kristin lost in her thoughts.The sound of breaking glass and Nathan's "Damn" brought Kristin back to the present.Nathan had bunched up his shirt and was holding it in his right hand and had a grimace on his face.

Kristin tried to look over at his hand, "What happened?"

"I broke my glass¼I guess I was holding it a little tight."

Kristin held her hand out."Let me have a look."

Nathan pulled his hand off of his shirt and took a quick look at it."Ah, it's not that bad¼but I got broken glass all over the dock."He held onto the shirt again.

Kristin looked over to where the shards of glass could be seen sparkling on the planking."Well, you can clean that up tomorrow."

Nathan glanced at his watch."You mean today.It's after 3:30 in the morning."

"Good Lord¼is it that late?"

"Yeah," Nathan said standing and carefully brushing any glass pieces off his pants."And we'd better see about getting some sleep."He held out his left hand and helped Kristin up.As they walked back up the dock Nathan looked over at Kristin."You can't drive home at this time of night¼.you'll fall asleep at the wheel."

Kristin yawned. "You're probably right.Do you have any other suggestions?"

"You can sleep in my bed."

Kristin stopped and looked over at him."I thought we hadn't made that decision yet."

Nathan motioned towards the house with his head and they both started walking that way again."We haven't.You sleep in my bed and I'll sleep on the couch."

"Well, it should be me sleeping on the couch then."

Nathan shook his head."Nope¼host's prerogative¼I get the couch."

As they got closer to the house Kristin could see Nathan's side where he was holding his cut hand by the streetlights.There was a rather large spreading stain of blood on his shirt."Will you let me look at that?" Kristin said in her professional doctor voice.Nathan grimace and held out his hand.She looked up at him."You call that nothing?I'd say that's about 12 stitches of nothing."Nathan grimaced again and she put his hand against his side again and patted it."Stay here," she said firmly.Kristin went over to her car and came back with a bag from the trunk.She dug through the bag and brought out a large gauze pad."Here hold on to this until I can get a good look at that." 

When they got back in the house Kristin decided that the kitchen was the best place to take care of his cut.She ran water over the inch and a half cut on the palm of his hand to clean it and see if there was any glass remaining in the cut."I'm going to anesthetize that so you'll stop making faces at me."

Nathan made a face."I thought you were falling asleep."

Kristin frowned at him."Something woke me up."

Knowing he had lost any control of this situation, Nathan just let Kristin go about her anesthetizing and stitching without any more comments.After she finished, Kristin bandaged up his hand.Nathan rubbed his other hand across his eyes wearily.Even with the cut and the stitching he was just about exhausted¼or maybe because of them."How about you let me grab a pair of pajamas and both of us go to sleep."

Kristin slipped her hand around his neck and he brought his head down for a long gentle kiss.Kristin started to move in towards Nathan's body but he backed off."You don't want to lean against me with this shirt."

Kristin backed up and looked at his blood-covered shirt."You're right.You should soak that."

Nathan grinned at her, "Thank you, mother."She smacked him on the arm.Nathan put his hand behind her back and propelled her towards the bedroom.After grabbing a t-shirt and a pair of pajama pants, Nathan disappeared into the bathroom to clean up and change.When he came out, Kristin was standing there wearing one of his denim shirts and that was all.Nathan ran his eyes down her body."Mmmm. You look a lot better in that shirt than I do."

"Why, thank you, sir," Kristin said coyly.Nathan lowered his head and once again their lips met in a kiss that soon deepened as their tongues intertwined.Kristin's arms circled Nathan's neck as he pulled her close to him.When they broke the kiss both of them were breathing raggedly.

Nathan rested his head against Kristin's shoulder."Okay¼how did it go?¼" he said between panting breaths, "Decision and not reaction¼right?"

Kristin leaned her head into his chest."Right¼and if we're not going to blow that¼" Nathan chuckled and Kristin pinched him."So to speak¼we'd better go separate ways right now."

Nathan pulled back a little."Yeah."He kissed her on the forehead and stepped back."Good night."

Kristin headed into the bathroom with a soft, "Good night, Nathan."

Lucas awoke at about 8 a.m.He looked at the alarm clock amazed that he'd slept so late.Usually he was up and around by 7 even on his days off.It also occurred to him that he'd slept like a rock.No dreams, no nightmares, no nothing.He couldn't remember the last time that had happened.As he swung his legs out of bed last night's conversation came back to him.For a moment, Lucas was appalled that he'd talked about what he did last night¼and then he recalled the Captain's reaction.He'd believed him.No questions, no qualifications, no doubts, he'd believed him.No one had ever believed him like that before.Lucas sat on the side of the bed and thought.God, he hoped that the Captain wouldn't change his mind after thinking about it and decide that he wasn't worth the trouble.There wasn't much he could do about that now.What was the worst that could happen?He'd be sent back to his father?¼No, the worst that could happen would be getting sent back to anywhere but here.He really liked it here.Really liked the people, the job, the area¼he really like the Captain and Kristin¼and Darwin.

Lucas got up and headed into the bathroom.On his way back to his room Lucas passed the Captain's bedroom.He glanced inside but that wasn't Bridger on the bed.He quickly realized that it was Dr. Westphalen.

As if knowing that she was being watched, Kristin turned over in the bed and looked at Lucas standing in the hallway."Good morning," she said sleepily.

"Good morning," Lucas responded shyly."I didn't quite expect to see you this early."

Kristin smiled at him."That was rather tactful."She sat up in the bed with the covers gathered around her and motioned him to a seat on the edge of the bed."It was a little late when Nathan and I finished talking last night so we thought it might be better if I didn't try to drive."

Lucas nodded."Where's the Captain?"

"On the couch."She hesitated and looked at the boy."How're you doing this morning?"

Lucas glanced up at her and then down at the floor."Besides astonished that I could talk about all that last night¼.kinda scared about what happens now."

A frown crossed Kristin's face."What do you mean 'about what happens now'."

Lucas shrugged and kept looking at the floor."Well¼now that he knows about me¼I just kind of thought that the Captain might decide that¼I don't know¼that I've got too much baggage."

Kristin put her hand up on the boy's shoulder."Oh, no, Lucas¼that's one thing you don't have to worry about.I'm afraid that you and Nathan are stuck with each other."She tried a smile at the boy."He seems to like having you around."Lucas looked over at her at that."For that matter, I think the only thing you've got to worry about is if your mother and Nathan ever end up in the same room."She shook her head."I guarantee only one of them would come out and it wouldn't be pretty."

The boy's good humor returned, "That may not be a totally bad thing."He stood up smiling."I better get dressed."

Kristin found Nathan's robe hanging on the back of his door and headed into the kitchen to make some coffee.As she passed by she noted that Nathan was sound asleep on the couch.Lucas must have headed out of the house while she was setting up the coffee because he came bounding back in with a slightly panicked look on his face.

"The end of the dock is covered with blood and glass."

"That would be me¼" Nathan said sleepily from the couch.Lucas turned a quizzical look his way.Nathan sat up and looked at him."I broke a glass when we were talking out there last night."He held up his right hand which was mostly covered in the bandage Kristin had applied last night."And managed to cut myself at the same time¼.sorry about that."

Lucas looked relieved."That's alright¼just not what you expect when you go out to the dock first thing in the morning."He indicated Nathan's hand, "You alright?"

"Oh yeah," Nathan said getting up from the couch and coming over to the kitchen."Gave Kristin here a chance to practice her sewing¼how many stitches did it end up being?"

"An even dozen¼and you need to let me change that bandage sometime this morning."She cast him an appraising glance."How does it feel?"

"It hurts like hell," Nathan said as he held his hand up near his shoulder.

"Throbs?"

"Yeah."

"Keep it elevated like that.Best thing for it."

Nathan looked over at Lucas."Very convenient having a doctor in the house sometimes."

Lucas just nodded, a serious look on his face."When you broke the glass, how did you manage to cut your palm?"

Nathan shrugged."I guess I was a little tense¼.I was holding it when I broke it."Lucas just nodded silently.Nathan sat at the dining room table and Lucas sat down opposite him."So¼how are you feeling this morning?"

"I slept really good¼I guess I was really tired."He scratched his forehead for a moment before looking up at Nathan."I guess I should just get this out of the way."Nathan returned a questioning look."Um¼after last night¼.and what I told you."Lucas fixed his eyes on the salt shaker and his voice was soft and trembling."Are you going to send me back?"

The questioning look was still on Nathan's face."Back where?"

Lucas looked up at him again."Back to my Dad."

Nathan silently shook his head.Finally he said gently, "The thought never crossed my mind." He paused a moment as Lucas let his gaze drop back to the table."Let me tell you something, kiddo.For various reasons, the majority of them not related to seaQuest, I need you as much as you need me."Nathan could see Lucas' eyes glistening."So if you're okay with it¼how about we continue this little experiment for a while?"

Lucas nodded and wiped his eyes, "Yeah¼I'd like that."

Kristin came out with the coffee pot and a large glass of milk for Lucas."Are you gentlemen about ready for breakfast?"

Lucas shook his head and grinned¼ "Doc, you'll learn¼if it involves food¼I'm always ready."

Nathan looked at her with an innocent face."I'd love some but I can't do the cooking¼ it seems like I hurt my hand."He glanced across the table at Lucas."And let me tell you something from experience¼.you don't want him cooking breakfast."He pointed at Lucas.

"Honestly, you two," Kristin said in fake disgust."I'll cook breakfast.Why don't you two just sit there and discuss whatever."She disappeared into the kitchen.

Lucas and Bridger grinned at each other across the table.Lucas suddenly got an excited look on his face."Oh, I forgot to tell you.I was sitting getting dressed this morning trying to think about anything except what we discussed last night and I had what I think is a great idea."Bridger had a doubtful look on his face."Hey, you haven't even heard it yet. Something good coming out of something bad.I guess I was proving your Mother Superior Theory or something."

Kristin came out of the kitchen with a skillet in her hand."His what???"

Nathan looked a little put out."The Reverend Mother Theory¼.you know¼ Sound of Music."Kristin just frowned at him.

"Yeah, that's the one."

"When a door closes¼"

"Somewhere a window opens¼or something like that," Lucas said happily.Kristin nodded slowly and returned to the kitchen still wearing the frown.

Nathan leaned his head on his good hand. "You're disgustingly cheerful for this time of the morning¼did anyone ever tell you that?"

"Often¼anyways¼I'm trying not to think about last night and I think I came up with a way to use a different processor in the vocorder."

Now Nathan was frowning at Lucas too."Yeah??So?"

Lucas was looking smug."A smaller processor."

"How much smaller?"

"Contained inside the vocorder unit."Lucas was twiddling his thumbs now.

"Independent of the boat?"

"Yup."

"You sure?"Bridger still had doubts.

"I'm sure."Lucas didn't.

"No way."

"Way."

"Cool."

The End.


End file.
